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Post by The Evil Overlordess on Apr 9, 2007 21:28:11 GMT -5
(The ASW and I are very silly. And probably going to hell. No offense meant to anyone, it was just too fun of an idea to pass up. If it's any comfort, you can think of us being damned to the Inferno for all eternity 'cause of this. XD)
The Pope is up in the Papal Suite in Vatican City, playing pool against his Holy Self. He frowns down the length of his cue stick, aims, and shoots. A soft, holy light surrounds the cue ball, and all of the striped balls levitate their way into the pockets.
"Ahh, dang it. I hate being infalliable-- I always wins."
He goes to the window to stare out at the rest of the Holy See. There are pigeons on the dome of the Basilica of St. Peter. You would've thought God would've gotten tired with birdcrap all over His Servant's church by now, but nooo.
"Maybe I can convince Jesus to play darts with me, again."
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Post by The ASW on Apr 9, 2007 21:41:35 GMT -5
The Bishop appeared in the doorway of the Holy Billiard Room, his arrival announced with a short, operatic "Aaah!" He blinks several times before raising to fingers in a Jesus Peace Sign, and clops his staff on the ground.
"OY POPE!" he yells, in a very UnBishoply accent and high pitched voice. He sounds like that drag queen at the end of The Birdcage that points out that Bob Dole is 'gorgeous'.
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on Apr 9, 2007 21:44:13 GMT -5
"OY BISHOP!" The Pope's eyes darted suspiciously. This wasn't just a Bishop-- it was the Bishop himself! His Holiness whipped out a Holy Maybelline Pressed Powder Compact and checked his appearance. Yep, he looked Holy and Dandy, all right.
His Holiness coughed.
"How goes the secret mission that the Holy See most definately didn't send you on, since the Church is supposed to be an unbiased and peaceful organization? I mean... uh... how about them gas prices... or... yeah."
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Post by The ASW on Apr 9, 2007 21:56:41 GMT -5
Bishop stared for a Holy Moment, then carefully leaned back and arched a brow. "I don't know what to say... so I'll just go with Yes."
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on Apr 9, 2007 21:58:05 GMT -5
"Ah, yes. Very diplomatic of you, very diplomatic indeed. Some might call it downright... craftly."
The Pope gave the Bishop a Holy Glare, and then randomly beamed.
"Would you care for some Holy Tea? Guaranteed freshly-blessed, with the tealeaves never handled by anything other than devout Catholic hands. It's Earl Grey."
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Post by The ASW on Apr 9, 2007 22:01:48 GMT -5
"Freshly-blessed, only if there is Sacred Sugar. I do not like unsweetened Holy Tea. Because if Jesus had a flavor, I'm sure it would be pleasant."
Bishop nodded Holily.
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on Apr 9, 2007 22:04:11 GMT -5
The Pope frowned.
"We don't have any brand-name Sacred Sugar, I'm afraid, but we do have some sugar cubes that come from El Salvador. 'El Salvador' means 'The Savior,' you know, so it's sort of like Sacred Sugar, but with a slight Spanish flavor to it."
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Post by The ASW on Apr 9, 2007 22:06:07 GMT -5
The Bishop considered this, slowly biting into his Holy Staff. "That works."
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on Apr 9, 2007 22:09:22 GMT -5
The Pope nodded.
"Jesus is their national resource. It's only fitting that they should take advantage of His Sweetness."
The Pope tugged a small rope near the door of the Holy Billards Room. Somewhere down the hall, a tinny reproduction of the 'Hallelujah Chorus' issued from a staticky speaker. This was the traditional Holy Code for 'The Bishop and Pope want some tea in here, two sugars in each, Earl Grey, slices of lemon, and don't spill it on the carpet this time, chop chop!'
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Post by The ASW on Apr 9, 2007 22:35:51 GMT -5
The Bishop gave a Holy Smile to the tinkley Hallelujah chorus, then boogied regally before going to sit down on the pool table. "Will this break? I am not in the best of Holy Shape."
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on Apr 9, 2007 22:37:49 GMT -5
"Any shape, O Holy Brother, that you are in, is a Holy Shape. In theory. Or so they say." The Pope flexed. "I've been working out with the Holy Physical Trainer myself. My muscles now ripple with the might of the LORD."
The Pope sat down in the Holy Seat (which is, incidentally, in the Holy See).
"I could do some serious smiting with my beefiness, I am sure." He folded his hands and nodded... Popeily.
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Post by The ASW on Apr 9, 2007 22:41:28 GMT -5
He looked down at his shape, which was slightly pear. Or maybe starfruit. Wow, that really would be Holy. The Bishop cleared his throat awkwardly and stared at the Pope's muscles.
"I know it is a sin, but at the moment, I am coveting your muscles."
The Bishop frowned solemnly and sighed, "I forgive myself."
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on Apr 9, 2007 22:43:13 GMT -5
"That's a funny coincidence-- I forgive you, too."
The Pope hugged the Bishop. It was a doublely-holy hug.
"You know, the other day some crazy girl told me that everyone on this earth was a Genuine and Authorized Pope, and that she was excommunicating me." The Pope stared off into space. "It was like... being outsourced, or something. Creepy!"
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Post by The ASW on Apr 9, 2007 22:44:53 GMT -5
The Bishop returned the hug, giving the Pope a Holy Pat. He leaned back and considered the story.
"Did she resemble a mouse?"
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on Apr 9, 2007 22:47:07 GMT -5
"She had glasses and looked sort of insane. She also mentioned something about Chaos... and ancient Greek Goddesses. Then the Holy Body Guards tackled her and sent her back to America, I think. In a box."
The Holy Tea-Maker arrived, bearing a teatray full of... teathings. Redundancy is okay if you are holy enough, though, so no one was phased.
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