Fun with Cartography!

[The Evil Overlordess]

Days ago, when the peanut butter mines were once again flooded with strawberry milk, something strange washed up on the shore of the Inordinate River. The Overlordess picked it up and later fed it to the ASW. Many muffin-related adventures ensued, but later there was nothing to show for it…<br>
Except for a single seed.

Legends say that it dropped out of TEO’s pocket when she forced the possums to do her laundry. It was carried by a migrating albino penguin to a different part of the empire… and grew.

So originated the BWE’s newest-found land… the majestic, sprawling Muffin Forest!

These lands, fraught with danger, wild animals and abundant sources of natural caffeine, are frightening but fascinating. Are you brave enough to explore it?

---

The Evil Overlordess sat in the tiny inn on the borders of the Muffin Forest, idly poking at her lemon poppyseed breakfast. She was dressed, rather stylishly, in a new purple cape, black shirt and pants and gleaming new steel-toed boots.

She sighed and glanced up at the decree on the inn's wall.

"How is it that I'm the autocratic ruler and yet no one pays attention to my annoucements?"

Susanfookl Manderbings , the innkeeper, shrugged.

"It's probably because you just suck as a person."

"Shut up. You're a fictitious moose-eloper."

"Am not. You're a failed dictator."

"Yes, but I have the Spoon of Fire."

"And I control what goes in your food."

The proclaimation read:

SEEKING CARTOGRAPHERS AND EXPLORERS!!!

DO YOU LIKE DANGER, MUFFINS AND TREE-CLIMBING? IF SO, JOIN THE MUFFIN FOREST EXPIDITION!

The Overlordess has decreed that the new lands be explorer and duly mapped so that all citizens know what lies there and thus ignore it more easily. All explorers accepted!

Applications at the Generic Goose Inn.

TEO sighed again.

"I hope someone comes soon. I don't want to go into that forest alone."

[The ASW]

* The ASW strides into the inn, dressed in a huntergreen and pearlpink frilly dress -- with ruffles around the poofy skirt and poofy sleeves, a little sash tied around her waist, and a little green bonnet on her head *

* And of course, the Kuassary is strapped to her back *

* Adjusts her glasses and checks the shininess of her white patent leather shoes -- it was either white or black, and the ruffles were white... so... white it was *

Ack! A scuff!

* Huffs indignantly and bends down to rub it off *

[The Evil Overlordess]

The Overlordess coughed.

"Are you here to sign up for the quest?"

[The ASW]

* Looks up at TEO *

* Eyes dart suspiciously *

* Eyes dart suspiciously... the other way *

* Back to TEO *

Da, I am here for se Qvest.

[The Evil Overlordess]

TEO raised an eyebrow.

"What can you do for the quest? Have you any previous experience with vicious muffins? Any history of associating with them?"

[The ASW]

* Ace Ventura face *

Vell, I heff been a Muffin tree.

[The Evil Overlordess]

"Oh, yes! I'd forgotten about that. Here you go."

TEO handed the ASW a waiver, stating that any bodily, psychological, emotional, property, global, economic, bovine, agraian, industrial, piscine and altruistic damage will and or has been her own fault and the Empire is not held responsible for the stupidity of others.

[The ASW]

* Reads it, then looks up at TEO *

* Rolls her eyes *

Like I vouldt sue my own coantry.

* Signs on all the dotted lines in incredibly childlike Russian cyrillic *

[The Evil Overlordess]

TEO examined the signature, despite the fact that she couldn't read any Cryllic.

"That seems to be in order. Would you like a muffin? They're fresh." The waiver disappeared into a plot hole, and she shoved the muffin basket over to the ASW.

[The ASW]

* Narrows her eyes at TEO *

Last time you soldt me a muffin, I grew into a Muffin Tree in the middle of the Manga section of a bookstore.

[The Evil Overlordess]

TEO sighed.

"Noooo. You grew into a muffin tree and the small monkey-like animals that evolved out of your branches built a large bookstore with the equivalent of manga in it. God. Get it right."

[The ASW]

* Purses her lips *

I don't believe you. I thought they just developed democracy, nuclear warheads, and France.

* Takes a muffin and sniffs it, then slowly bites out a nibblet *

[The Evil Overlordess]

"No, they also built the equivalent of Borders, I think."

She reached for a muffin and then glared at Susanfookl.

"Are these going to make us do anything funny?"

[The ASW]

* Blinks at Susanfookl *

How is Bob?

* Winces, remembering that he cheated on her with a beaver... or a caribou *

I mean... do you heff egg nog?

[The Evil Overlordess]

Susanfookl glared at her and burst into tears.

"WHY DO YOU THINK I BUILT THE INN SO FAR AWAY FROM THE HILLS OF LURKERS?"

TEO edged away towards the door.