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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 20, 2004 16:40:11 GMT -5
*On the beach of the Medium Seas, TEO (who is dressed in a sick-making red-and-green hibiscus print skirt) carefully hangs a sign off of a small reed hut. On it are the words
[glow=orange,2,300]'THE TIKI CRAP SHACK: Scamming Tourists Throught the Ages, est'[/glow]
in bright orange letters. She puts it up on it's hooks and stands back to admire her handiwork.*
"Yes, yes, that's grand. Now I shall implement my scheme to exploit stupid tourists out of their money with my poorly-made merchandise."
*Cackles, looks around, and scurries back inside of the shop.*
{{note: TEO has worked with tourists at her 'job' in 'real life', and she knows how dumb they are. They'll buy anything with the area's name written on it, but are strangely reluctant to tip hard-working tour guides. (Didn't she just say that they were stupid?) Your IQ drops about 24 points when you're a tourist. Exploiting them is doing them a kindness-- really.}}
#nosmileys
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 20, 2004 17:05:27 GMT -5
[glow=orange,2,300]FOR SALE, ONLY AT THE TIKI SHACK:
Overpriced Laminated Placemat Showing a Map of the Area.......
Who actually uses these things, anyway?
COST .....500 tigoil (that's tinfoil painted gold, to you outlanders)
Coffee Mug With a Chipped Handle.......
We know it's crap, we found it in the Junkyard.
COST.....However much a pot of coffee costs these days.
Metal Detector.......
Finds the finest aluminum and poptabs.
COST.....1300 tigoil
Pass to the Actual Bit of the Store that Sells Useful Things.......
You gotta dig deep if you want anything actually worth buying...
COST.....Your sanity or your mortal soul, whichever you still have. CAN music really save your mortal soul, anyway?
[/glow]
Warranty: The Shack of Evil Tiki Crap is not to be help responsible for any breakage of products that might occur after said products are used, opened, or have met with unfortunate accidents after you threw it out of a three-story window. Items are non-refundable, useless, overpriced, sticky, poorly-assemble and flamable, for the most part, but you're a tourist, aren't you? You don't know better! Why the hell are you even LOOKING at the warranty, anyway? No one reads these things, at least not until whatever-the-hell-it-is you bought breaks. All attempt to return items will be met with shouts of laughter. All attempts to get a receipt will be met with blank stares.
Disclaimer: Any and all injury, death, communicable diseases, and urges to do the rumba cannot be blamed upon Tiki Shack merchandise and/or employees, though we invite you to do your best to try. We need our laughs.
Disclaimer, again: Yes, we know that no one ever has tigoil coins, that is why we demand payments in them. No, we don't know where to get them. Mayhaps you should rent scubba gear or a metal detector from us so you can look for tigoil coins.
Disclaiming the Second Disclaimer: No, you cannot barter. The BWE is an... er... anyways, you can't barter. Unless it's with bubblewrap, the Overlords' second national currency.
Second (ish) Disclaimer: What suspicious noises coming from the back room? Oh, the sloshing, and the... er... yes, well. The organ music? You've been out in this heat too long, sir. Mayhaps you should buy a sunhat from us.
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Post by Skiv on May 26, 2004 14:36:03 GMT -5
Can I buy the mug? I likes mugs.
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 26, 2004 14:38:09 GMT -5
"Sure... " *checks price list* "...but you must give me coffee first."
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 26, 2004 14:45:06 GMT -5
Update! New merchandise for sale!
[glow=orange,2,300]
Another Crappy Mug from the Junkyard........
You need one. All your friends have one.
COST.......Inquire within.
Imitation Sheepling Rug.......
Bloodly little Imitation Sheep. They're as bad as the Steel Wool ones.
COST.......Fourteen payments of $6.45
Pie......
EVERYBODY LOVES PIE! Just don't ask what flavor it is, okay?
COST........ 1450 tigoil. (Yes, we know it costs more that the metal detector. This is high-class pie, yo.)
[/glow]
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Post by Skiv on May 26, 2004 14:59:42 GMT -5
*hands over payment*
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 26, 2004 15:08:47 GMT -5
"Yay! Tell your friends about how you got ripped off at the SoETC, now!"
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 27, 2004 8:40:04 GMT -5
[glow=orange,2,300]Yes, everyone, it's that time again-- Free samples of Sticky Bits of Things at the SoETC! Come an' get um![/glow]
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Post by Skiv on May 27, 2004 9:09:01 GMT -5
WOOT! *Rushes in*
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 27, 2004 9:44:19 GMT -5
"YES! Not only are they sticky, but they're on sticks! And they stick together! Yay!"
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Post by Skiv on May 27, 2004 10:57:46 GMT -5
YAY!!! Can I have two?
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 27, 2004 13:53:01 GMT -5
*glares*
"No way! If this was the Shack of Nice Tiki Crap, mebbe, but we're Evil. You want two, you buy the second."
{{TEO is not discriminating against Da Skiv. She's just upholding the principles of the Shacks.}}
--TEO
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Post by Skiv on May 27, 2004 13:57:08 GMT -5
But! I have five personalities and they all wanna taste. Then they'll all want to buy something! It's like having five buyers! Only Skiv got a sample and now Nibs wants one.
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Post by Quites on May 27, 2004 18:06:56 GMT -5
OoH! Does I gets one too?
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Post by The Evil Overlordess on May 27, 2004 22:24:45 GMT -5
"Err... yeah, fine. Take samples. Both of you. All of you."
*goes off to hold head in hands, wondering how she'll even make a profit, much less get enough money to fund an evil empire.*
--TEO
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Look at the lovely leaf Oz brought me!!