The Empire's Geography

[The Evil Overlordess]

This thread will contain bits and pieces of what the Overlands and other bits look like... that is, what I imagine it to look like... er... sure. Werr. Add anything you like-- this is just for fun. I was planning on making a map of the Overlands, but I can't get into a sensible format. Aggh.

--TEO

[The Evil Overlordess]

The Lands that Are Know as General

[shadow=red,left,300]The General Board[/shadow]

This strange place, located in the northern reaches of the Empire, is known only for it's mild climate and uninteresting land features. General is fairly flat, grayish, and most of the ground is covered by scruffy grass and weathered pieces of slate.

Never known for it's landscape, General builds it's reputation upon the people that inhabit and wander through it. Though it's in the middle of nowhere, it has managed to become a popular crossroads.

[The Evil Overlordess]

The Great Cork Board of Introducting

[glow=red,2,300]Introductions[/glow]

No one knows exactly where this magnificent cork board originally came from. The Overland's oldest inhabitant, Silus Purbald McPlether (132), claims that it hurtled from the sky one day and landed, slightly charred, in his dad-gum tatter field, no less. He went on to add that he doesn't hold with new-fangled notions like cork, push pins, and neon Post-Its.

At this point, the interviewer got bored and wandered away. Upon tearing off various layers of introductions, she unearthed the very first message, which was tacked upon the cork board with tarnished brass rivets. The first post read as follows--

Attn, Ye Olde Peasants, Serfs, and Villiens,

I am Count Milsoir de Notifont, and shall Henceforth be refered to as Evil Overlord of All that You Can See. Tithes of crops shall be Impossed by the Fourth of July, and Etc, etc. Why am I even Putting this Up Here? None of You can read, Anyway. And what's the Deal with the random Capital Letters? Oh, Hell, I've got better things to do than this.

Ye Olde Whatever.

The interviewer assumes that this post was written by one of the first overlords in the area, in a more conservative time where girls were generally not thought of as capable of terrorizing peasants. The interviewer thinks this is unfair and biased. Very, very unfair and biased.

The interviewer is getting very, very off topic.

[The Evil Overlordess]

Wha?

[glow=red,2,300]OOC Things[/glow]

A certain brave interviewer ventured across the snowy eastern wastes of the Overlands to reach this area, and was slightly miffed* upon arriving. Not only was she fairly certain that she had frostbite, but she also had to fend off omnivorous moose twice with only a skillet as she travelled.

"This place is a little creepy," she was reported to say Wednsday. "I mean, it almost makes sense."

*Her actual words were more along the lines of "wadda hell? There's nothing in this bloody place!"

[The Evil Overlordess]

The Great Halls of Historicality

[glow=red,2,300]The BWE's History[/glow]

Housed in a splendiferous bit of architecture in the southeast Overlands lies the history of all that is Bubblewrapian, dating back to some time in last August. Oddly enough, the history manags to fill near 5,000 volumes, though there isn't nearly enough to. It has been hypothesized that the few actual bits of history inside the books jump around to fill whichever one happens to be open at the moment.

It has also been proposed that one could find this out by opening several books at once. Unfornately, as the Halls only allow a person to have one book open at once, as seen on the 'please reshelve books when finished' signs, and there are never enough people to try this, no one has found out if it's true.

The most recent thesis on this place is that someone was very bored.

[The Evil Overlordess]

The Citadel of Doom, and Other Such Things

[glow=red,2,300]The Evil Overlordess's Lair[/glow]

As the interviewer and report was too damn lazy to actually delve into the history of the Citadel, she just picked up a pamphlet from the Front Hall of Doom, which reads as follows.

Congratulations on choosing chaotic evil! If you're reading this, then you've either joined the ranks of the Evil Overlordess, or you're an enemy invader intent on turning the Citadel into a large, smoking crater in the ground. In either case, congratulations.

The Citadel has a long and noble history, though exactly why it is noble is unknown, as the Evil Overlordess seems to have forgotten. It was long, anyway. Of that we're dead certain.

The first bit of the Citadel was the Tower of Werr, renamed after the fall of the past overlord. At the time, it was painted an imposing black and was covered in arcane symbols. At the advice of a designer and a fung-shui master, the Evil Overlordess painted the outside leafy green, but left the arcane symbols. After extensive research, the Evil Overlordess discovered them to translate to a recipe for Swedish Coconut Cookies. She now guards this recipe with her life, or at least with the lives of her minions.

After the outward painting was complete, the Overlordess redesigned the interior, and added extensive dungeons, pointless doors and hallways, throw rugs, anti-gravity chambers, bubble-wrap storage, and many other things built with money gathered from the heavily-taxed peasants. She feels that the crowning achievement of the tower is the small bronze possum at the top of the roof, which wears mittesn and holds a spoon.

The other pieces of the Citadel are newer, and less well-built on a whole, as--

Here the pamphlet was ripped off. Found a few feet away were the scraps of the pamphlet, which spelled out the words, "avast, I shall have my revenge." The reporter notes that these words were clumsily formed, as though the writer had used an appendage other than their hands to write it with. The Overlordess refused comment on this, but that was probably because she realized at this point that she was talking to herself.

Description of Lairs:

MA's Lair--

It's painted red and purple, my favorite colors, and there are two skylights. Tacked on the walls are various anime posters, ranging from Yu-Yu Hakusho to Hikaru no Go. Against the walls are bookshelves filled with manga and books, and against the right wall there's a big screen TV along with a Playstation2, stereos, DVD player, and mini fridge filled with coca-cola and sugary items are kept.

Various statues of Egyptian gods are scattered about...Hey, I have to keep faithful to my husband, y'know? The floor is made of chrome, and there's a trap door leading to the secret garage I have where I keep my motorcycle that I take on joyrides sometimes.

I have a wooden four-post against the left side, with lots of fluffy pillows and blankets. Next to it is a nightstand covered with various items, from manga to caffine pills. Near the back of the room there's a mini-lab set up, complete with Frankenstein like equipment, shelves filled with potions and dangerous looking equipment, and the cages where my penguins sleep. Oh, and there's a pet door where possoms, marosets, sheep, and cats can visit me.

[Quites]

The Indelible ReallyBigWetThing of The Legyndes uf Olde
[glow=red,2,300]The Middle Seas[/glow]
The Middle Seas are the deep, dark oceans that surround the BWE. They are vast, they are mighty, and they smell slightly of an odor some believe to be Vitamin E ointment. (The Evil Overlordess's evil minion scientists are even now working dilligently to discover the cause of this olfactoric phenomenon, and, though TEO herself was unavailable for comment, one of her owls was heard, in passing, to remark "Hoot, hoot."
{We are still attempting to ascertain exactly what that has to do with the Middle Seas, and we hope to come up with the answer sometime between now and doomsday. [We hardly ever work on it, however, because, when it comes right down to it, BoredKender is really the only one who would care.]})
Oh yeah. Back to the seas.
Anydangway, the seas are a dark and murky place, peopled by all kinds of unsavory characters like pirates, zombies, as well as magnificent findings, like islands that are really only the backs of giant aquatic numbats partially sumberged in the water, buried tinfoil hats painted gold to look like treasure, floating saloonships, and inebriated yellow sheep.

[Skiv]

Da Skiv's Lair, The Rodent Armies of DOOM, The Hoard and The Armery

[glow=red,2,300]The Underlands[/glow]


The Underlands are just bellow the Overlands. Duh.

It’s basically a bunch of tunnles and caverns and caves. That’s underground… Yah… When you first walk in the door (That’s made of radishes), you see a hallway. To the very left are the kitchens, to the right is the party room and the rest of the way is rooms containing weird animals, bathrooms, Followers of Da Skiv, blue duck pajamas and other such necessities. At the end of the hallway is Skiv’s Lair. The door to the right at the far back of the hallway is the Library. BE HAPPY!!!!

The Kitchens.
A room that is just as it is named. A kitchen. There is a stove, oven, microwave and a toaster and a fridge.
Above the fridge dwells the Anarchist Pigeon and her pigeon brethren.

[glow=green,2,300]Her lair is a hole at top of one wall in The Kitchen. It is a nice nest made of electrical wiring and pigeon feathers. Many of her feathered friends live there with her. Embedded in the wiring of her nest are several automatic and semi-automatic machine guns.... so knock before you enter..........She also have grenades to guard the precious refrigerator with. And the Bunny of Doom.... Don’t ever forget the bunny is watching you! MWHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem...well, on the floor where the nest does not cover.... there is newspaper. The birds are not quite house-trained yet. Many gold and silver perches adorned with precious gems that do not belong to the Anarchist Pigeon, adorn the walls where her beauties can rest and plot!

At night the door is covered with bubble wrap...if it is disturbed in any way.... the machine guns go off...aiming at the door, so do not wake her before the bubble wrap is drawn...or death will occur.[/glow]

The Library is just that. A large room with no windows, filled with bookshelves with those large ladders the roll along them!! Lotsa big squishy (Squisher *giggles*) arm chairs that you can curl up in. With lamps behind them of course.

The party room is just a big room. It’s empty. Just… Sits there… Waitin’ for a party…<br>
[glow=blue,2,300]Da Skiv’s LAIR is a large room with a nest in the middle made of pillows and blankets. In the center of the nest is a Skiv-sized hole. There is many an odd item in that nest somewhere... The whole wall is covered in nooks, crannies and cubbies and is filled with stuff she... "Found..." At the far wall there is a dryer, yet no washer. At the corner by the dryer is Furball's lair and behind it is Ahrar's. And back on the wall by the door, to the far left is one of those doghouses that look like little igloos! It has a small light in there for reading. The floor's padded too. There's always music playing there, depending on the mood of Da Skiv. In a corner of the ceiling is a nest for her owl. The cat and dog sleep in her nest. The raccoon just kinda does his thing and the flying squirrel sleeps in whatever nook he pleases. (The nooks near her dwelling places (i.e. dryer, nest and doghouse) are filled with coke cans (Some of them empty) and pixie sticks/wrappers. The floor is covered in bubblewrap. It pops then fills back up again once the weight is off it. To the right is a door that leads to my hoard. No one can get in there unless Da Skiv is with them. We're still trying to find out why. To the left is a door that branches to Da Skiv's Armery. It's just a big room of weapons and such like things.[/glow]

[glow=orange,2,300]Furball’s Lair is really just a pile of warm and fuzzy blankets sitting by the dryer where she and her cat Mwow dwell.[/glow]

[glow=purple,2,300]And HowToBeWeird (AKA Ahrar, AoQ, HtbW, BW) lives in a rather shallow pit in the floor behind the dryer. This pit of his is (as previously mentioned) rather shallow, and is lined with avocado peels. There is a bed about three inches long in the corner (of my circular pit) where my multicolored alcoholic mosquito Larry is almost always sleeping off his hangover and in all other ways perpetually recovering from the night before, except the nights when he is off with his lady friend mosquito partying.[/glow]

In the air vents dwells Gothish. On the subject of his lair, there was found a page of explanation written on a cabbage leaf with what smells suspiciously like marmot blood…<br>
The entry is as follows.

I shall call them mine. My air vents. All for me.

Within my air vents, are my friends, within the air vents I am alone...I have no friends... I only come out when called from De Skiv. I am only called when needed. I am only needed when being used.

I sleep within my air vents. I call them my home. I call them the CCC. My Creepy Cold Corners.

My CCC is filled with my stuff. Nothing but my own.

From my CCC I can see every thing. I can see all that happens within the Underlands. From the little place behind the dryer, to the cubbies in the corner. I see all.

All I call my own.

Anything that enters the CCC without my very own PPP (Persons' Precious Permission) will die a very slow and painful death. One filled with cries of suffering of blood lust and hate. They will die, and be used for my fishies.

Thank you,
that is all.

G0thIsh

Da Skiv’s Marmot armies and other rodent armies like in many barracks spread around outside Da Skiv’s Den. They have training grounds, weight rooms and such like things out there too. And rocks. Lots of large rocks out there for people to run around on. There’s also a underground forest surrounding the castleish thing with a waterfall in the middle of it.

In the Underlands you might find many secret passages that Da Skiv probably knows about, but doesn’t let on she knows. And getting lost in there is easy. There are lots of rooms branching off of rooms off of rooms etc… But not many people go there anymore.


UPDATE SOON! PARADOX’S LAIR!

[Quites]

OoH Yeah!
Doc does need to post his lair, doesn't he...?

[Skiv]

*darkly* Prolly has gnome sized thumb screws hanging from the walls...

[Quites]

This is true.
This is also very scaaaaaary.

[Skiv]

*muttering* Little three foot racks...

[Quites]

[Skiv]

Little bitty iron maidens...

[Quites]

No, that would be GoTHish.